Surreal Conversation

"I can't believe this is happening in this day and age" - have you ever heard someone say that? I guess it means that when we have progressed in so many many areas, it's difficult to fathom how some things never change. I had one such conversation today

S: I wanted to talk to you. I might have to take some time off from work

Me: Is everything ok?

S: Well, I got my daughter married to a "nice boy" last year and had a very grand wedding, as you know (I went for the wedding. It was indeed "grand"). Everything was fine for a while. And then my daughter's mother-in-law (I'm calling her MIL from here on), started abusing my daughter.

Me: What? What kind of abuse? (I was thinking does it matter?)

S: What else? Dowry, only. I gave so much and I also spent so much on the wedding. But still MIL was very rude and shouting at my daughter and said I have to give her property and whatnot.

Me: You should report her to the police.

S: What's the use? If I do, and she and her son are put in jail for 7 years, then it's my daughter who will suffer. I spoke to the lawyer who said not to do that now.

Me: Hmm.

S: I think if they have a baby everything will be solved. But MIL will not let them. She calls her son correctly at 7.30 pm when he is just come from work and keeps him on the phone. Sometimes she asks him to come to visit her late in the night, and says she has some problem. She says she will throw my daughter out if she comes between her and her son.

(long pause)

S: MIL hit her so much that my daughter had to be taken to the hospital. Whenever the son is at work, MIL beats up my daughter and makes her do demeaning things.

Me: What about the boy's father? What does he say?

S: He's just a "dummy". He just sits there - just a namesake father.

Me: I still think you should report to the police. If more people thought about the crime, maybe it wouldn't happen. When you are scared that they will take their anger out on your daughter, its difficult to see the crime taking place.

S: Anyway. My health is suffering. I wish she will get pregnant then everything will be okay. I hope she does not send my daughter home.


The conflict. Doing the right thing vs. the well-being of your daughter. I can't believe this is an actual conversation I had this morning. S is a high-grade manager, making a decent amount of money, educated. Daughter is educated (with an MBA), and married to a successful banker.

Are you shocked? Or are you saying "Yea Yea This Happens Everywhere"?

Defending India

Warning: This is a rant. Hey, it's my blog and I'll rant if I want to.

I'm tired of people dissing India. Constantly. Oh Indian politicians suck. Indian roads suck. Indian behavior sucks. And let me tell you, hypocrisy sucks.

If you are going to sit in your nice comfortable well-furnished apartment in London or New York City or wherever and continue complaining about how "you just can't spend more than two weeks in India because the pollution and lack of cleanliness is getting to you", this is what I have to say "Don't Come!!". We didn't invite you in the first place.

I don't get it. I understand India is dirty, its even downright filthy in places. But let me tell you, Indians want it to be clean too. With 50 people on an average using a hospital restroom in ONE HOUR, vs 1.5 people in 2 hours in the US, yes, the restrooms are going to be dirtier.

And please don't even for a single moment imagine that you are "in touch" with India just because you read The Hindu online version and watch NDTV and Sun TV. You're not. If you don't live in India, you're not in touch with the country. And you're definitely not helping.

So stop with the complaining because your white shirt got a little yellow because the water in India is so bad. Or you got a little bit of Delhi Belly eating from the five star restaurant. Or that train travel "just isn't what it used to be when we were growing up". Stop the pretense. You left India because you wanted to - not to make India proud or to give back to India. You wanted a better life for yourself, which is exactly how it should be. So don't start pretending now.

As I said, it's a rant. One more thing - if you don't like it, don't come. I think those who live here are trying to do the best we can to make India better, and we don't need you to come here just to tell us how bad it is.

Thanks.

Wire Less

I lost Internet connectivity on Sunday night at about 10.30 pm. Well, the fixer guy came by Monday and told me that someone had cut the wires and stolen the copper wiring on the inside! This was the case the previous dozen times I lost connectivity too. And, he says, its very common. The thieves steal the copper wires, melt them all together and sell the copper!

I went to see the wire and we found a cow settled down by the pavement chewing on the plastic outer casing! It was almost completely gone! Only In India, I thought!!

I walked down the block and suddenly realized that there were tons of wires lying everywhere - on the road, sidewalk, on trees, on walls - all exposed wires that had no right being left unattended. I have been oblivious to the many wires lying exposed EVERYWHERE! Here are some really scary photos:

A cut wire:


Open wires on the pavement:


The maze of wires from various houses:


An open box:
And another:

And if the wires didn't get you, maybe the pieces of glass will:

Returning to India

Every once in a while, I'm asked whether I'm happy I returned to India. I vary my answers based on who is asking the question. If it's an old friend from the US asking me, I say "Yes, I'm happy though I miss a lot about my old life". If its someone from India, I say " Yes, I'm very happy - who wouldn't be?". The common thread I find that I say is "Yes, I'm very happy". Is that the truth? I'm not sure.

Recently someone I know who had moved here around the time we had, has decided she just can't live here anymore. She has tried to fit back in, she has tried very hard, but says she just can't do it, and doesn't want to try anymore. And they are moving back.

I find that things aren't so black and white for me. There are several things about India that I love. I love that my daughter has so much family around her - that she gets to grow up with grandparents and cousins, aunts and uncles. I love that they want to spend time with her and love to be with her - that I don't have to pay someone to spend 2 hours with my daughter while I have dinner. I love that people are genuinely willing and wanting to help at any time if you need them.

But I desperately miss personal space. I miss sidewalks. I miss parks. I miss open spaces with no one in sight. I miss being able to go to a grocery store and being confronted with a shelf of choices.

A close friend is moving back here. I've known him forever and when he genuinely asked me, "So would you recommend I move back?", I was only able to give him the pros and cons. It works for me, but I can understand when it doesn't work for someone else. Its a very personal decision. And there's no way to plan for it.

I found that everyone - and I really mean every single person I know - asked me "why did you move back?". It seemed like people moved back only for a reason - lost their job, not enough money, terribly homesick, enough money to retire - but none, like us, who had no reason at all. We still ask ourselves sometimes What prompted us to move back? And still there is no answer - we just always thought that we would.

Some people need 6 months just to adjust to the idea of moving back and another year to plan it out - career options, living options etc. For some, like us, you just book the ticket, don't think about it too much - pretty much jump into the water and learn how to swim again. And sometimes, the pool will be filled with water, and other times, it might be cleaning day, and you might hit hard concrete! :)

Knives

Some of the benefits of living in Chennai you start taking for granted. We can have veggies and fish delivered fresh to the door everyday! Doctors (some of them) make house calls. And when you call a doctor, you don't have to talk to a nurse first.

And you can get your knives sharpened professionally for Rs. 100 (about $2) for an unlimited number of knives, scissors and blender blades! And the man comes home and does it for you.

Whoa!!

Spotted: A Lamborghini in Chennai! Yeah, you heard me... Here it is!


I blocked out those little voices of reason that said "Who would want to drive that on the Chennai roads and potholes!" and just enjoyed the lovely machine!

La Boulangerie

La Boulangerie is a French bakery/cafe that is tucked away in a little corner of Anna Nagar. Opened by a young Frenchman, Alexis de Ducla, it began as a noble NGO. Mr. de Ducla began La Boulangerie to help young adults from underprivileged backgrounds, get a career going by teaching them to bake and manage a bakery. Foodstuff from the bakery was sold to the cafes at Amethyst, the Park hotel, Amma Naana and Maison de Gourmet.

He then opened his own little cafe/bakery. After reading a lot of press about the cafe, we decided to give it a test run. So on Sunday afternoon, we set off there, to have some "coffee and cake".


The ambience is very nice. They have a little outdoor terrace with seating, and in-door furniture (for those not brave enough to weather the Chennai heat). There is a selection of croissants, bagels (yes, the first time I've seen bagels anywhere in Chennai), flavored breads, cakes and pastries.


The less said about the bread, the better! It all sounded very good, but tasted ... disappointing. I sampled a mushroom quiche was "ok". The only thing that was very good was the little tea cakes that came with the cappuccino we ordered.


I think they have a long way to go before their food resembles, in taste, a Parisienne cafe. I wish them good luck - god knows Chennai needs a great bakery/ cafe.

Contact information and address on their website. (the site is under construction, but the basic address and phone numbers are there).